I have been in a little bit of a funk lately (mild depression, I might argue), due in most part to my lack of fulfillment in my day-to-day, 9-to-5 job. It varies in severity from general malaise to existential crisis about my total lack of authentic professional identity in my mid 30’s. Totally makes me a LOT of fun to be around. Needless to say, I have been searching for distractions and hopefully inspiration.
During one particular social media rabbit-hole, I happened upon R. Eric Thomas’ interview (link here) with Antoni from the new Queer eye. Yes, I know, the cute, white one with the disarmingly crooked smile and no perceptible talent that we all love to hate (especially after his smug Montreal pride appearance next to Monsieur Trudeau).
I was in a mood, so I obviously dove in ready for a full force reading of this one-dimensional-epicurean-wanna-be. R. Eric Thomas’ digital column on Elle.com, ‘Eric Reads the News’ has quickly become one of my favorites for its wit, humor, tea spillage, meme/gif usage, oh-so-timely topics, and mostly for the shade he artfully throws at his subjects. I was here for all the filth, everything we all want to say (and likely angrily spew at the television) when we see Antoni use avocado in every QE episode or explain how sour cream belongs in guac (ughhhhh). This was going to be a gratifying bloodbath!
To my surprise, Instead of shady indulgence, I was confronted with a jarring commonality with the subject. He recounted a young adulthood spent in every possible role in a restaurant, a passion for food and dining despite the trials of the service industry, turns out, we even have the same love language (Acts of Service if you hadn’t already guessed). I suddenly found myself an Antoni fan. Now, I am still waiting for him to get through a season without avocados, but I was (begrudgingly) inspired. Here is someone with no formal training, armed with little more than charisma and a passion for communing with food, really truly making it, and making the world a better place for it. I have always said, the truest way that I show love is through cooking for someone I care about. Food is love, and I live to explore the world’s cultures through experiencing that expression of life and love in all the wonderfully diverse ways That is why I cook and why I am passionate about developing my own culinary perspective.
In reading this Antoni article, I realized what I needed to do to get myself out of my rut. I was bursting at the seams, thinking “that’s me, that’s me! That’s why I do this!” and I needed to come out as an Antoni fan. Just kidding, I need to cook. So, I committed to getting back in the kitchen. To force myself to get creative and find new and exciting ways to motivate myself and to show love.
My first venture was an ambitious one. I was still mourning Anthony Bourdain and naturally watching lots of “Parts Unknown” episodes featuring the best of Singaporean, Vietnamese, Laotian, Thai, and many other cuisines. Throughout these culinary traditions, whole fish are a common feature. I could not remember the last time that I cooked a whole fish, and figured why not dive off the deep end. I picked up some beautiful black bass at my local Whole Foods. Further inspired by flipping the pages of the June/July Bon Appetit featuring some vibrant and gorgeous summer compositions, I decided on a prep featuring bright flavors like lime, cilantro and green curry as well as savory and earthy notes from a soy, chile, peanut sauce. I won’t begin to appropriate and attribute this dish to any specific regional cuisine, but I humbly accept inspiration from around the south asian and caribbean traditions I have had the privilege of experiencing or observing in print or on screen.
I started the prep by rubbing the cavities of the bass with a Lobo Green curry paste I had been gifted by a fellow amateur cook and had just been waiting for the opportunity to use. I then stuffed the cavities with paper thin slices of lime and bunches of cilantro. To accompany the fish, I decided to char some green onions on my grill pan (@lecreuset) and wilt some baby greens in about a half an inch of miso broth. I prepped the sauce in advance, pulverizing roasted peanuts and combining them with a bit of soy sauce, sambal olek (chili garlic paste) and sesame oil. Once all the accoutrements were ready, I threw the fish on the grill pan for a few minutes on each side, just until the white flesh started to flake and the herbs heated to release their depth of flavor. I plated everything together. A bed of greens, web of grilled onions, fish placed whole and head-on over top, and finished with a generous drizzle of the chunky peanut sauce. It was gorgeous if I don’t say so myself.
I summoned Mark (my fiance) to the table, which didn’t take much convincing these flavors are some of his favorites and I took a deep breath, ready to bask in my Antoni moment.
My Queer Eye audition fantasy was shattered when I looked across the table at Mark who was staring in abject horror at the fish head on the platter in front of him. Rather than doe eyes and appreciation of my act of service and expression of creativity, to my dismay I was faced with fear and confusion. In all my fervor, I had forgotten that Mark is a zero-effort diner, and the prospect of navigating a whole fish, full of bones, much less one with a head, was going to be a non-starter. Despite my initial disappointment (and admitted oversight, fish heads really aren’t all that sexy) I was determined to have my Antoni moment, we were going to ENJOY this.
I slugged some sauv blanc and unceremoniously proceeded to de-bone his fish and painstakingly prepare his plate for him. With that out of the way, dinner was a smashing success. The fish was perfectly cooked, plump but flaky and possessing a deep flavor accented by the astringent cilantro and acidic lime. The peanut sauce was warm, bringing heat and a nutty note to the tropically inspired dish. We both cleaned our plates as I reveled in the enjoyment both he and I got out of the meal itself, and I rode my kitchen high into the second bottle of white wine. In the end Mark was thoroughly impressed by the flavors and creativity of the meal. I explained my inspiration and he was supportive of the efforts I had made and those that I had planned for the future in the kitchen. My re-entry into the kitchen was a success!
Recipe:
2 whole black bass (cleaned, similarly sized)
1 bunch cilantro
1 packet Lobo Green Curry Paste
1 lime (sliced in thin rounds)
10 green onions
½ cup roasted unsalted peanuts
2 tablespoons sesame olek
¼ cup soy sauce
1 packet white miso soup mix
10 oz baby greens
Prep
Sauce:
In a food processor, pulverize the peanuts until they are the size of peppercorns.
Place in a medium mixing bowl.
Add Sambel olek, soy sauce, and sesame oil and mix together. You will need to mix again prior to serving if anything separates
Greens:
In a large saucepan, bring 2 cups water to a boil.
Add miso packet and str until dissolved.
Add greens, turn off heat, and cover.
You can toss periodically to ensure they are evenly wilted and covered in the miso broth.
Grill:
Prepare the grill or grill pan with your preferred non-stick method (I use coconut oil spray for the heat tolerance).
Place green onions on grill and cook until they are charred.
Flip and repeat, the white ends should begin to turn translucent as the greens char. Remove from heat.
To prepare the fish:
Rub green curry paste on all surfaces within the cavity.
Place even amounts of cilantro inside and layer with slices of lime.
Tie with butcher's twine, if needed to keep together.
Add more oil, if needed.
Place fish on hot grill.
Cook for 3 minutes on each side. Black bass have delicate skin which will likely come off when the fish is moved. As you turn the fish, scrape off the skin that sticks to the pan and discard.
Cook for an additional 3 minutes or until the flesh on the inside of the cavity is opaque.
To Plate:
Place greens on large platter or shallow bowl.
Pour any remaining miso broth over top.
Place grilled onions over the greens.
Place fish on top.
Drizzle large lines of peanut sauce over the fish.
Garnish with any remaining cilantro fronds and lime slices.
Serve immediately.
